Post by Kipuka Theatre Admin on Jun 27, 2012 9:01:30 GMT -10
Enter WAGNER and CLOWN.
WAGNER. Sirrah boy, come hither.
ROBIN. How boy?! O disgrace to my person! Zounds, boy in your face! You have seen many boys with such pointed beards I’m sure.
WAGNER. Tell me, sirrah, hast thou no comings in?
ROBIN. Yes, and goings out too; you may see miss.
WAGNER. Alas, poor slave! See how poverty jests in his nakedness! I know the villain’s, bare and out of service, and so hungry that I know he would give his soul to the devil for a shoulder of mutton, though it were blood-raw.
ROBIN. How!? My soul to the devil for a shoulder of mutton, though 'twere blood-raw! Not so, good friend. I had need to have it well roasted, and good sauce to it, if I pay so dear, I can tell you.
WAGNER. Well, wilt thou serve me, and I'll make thee go like Qui mihi discipulus?
ROBIN. What, in verse?
WAGNER. No, slave, in beaten silk and stavesacre.
ROBIN. How, how, knaves-acre! Ay, I thought that was all the land his father left him. Do you hear? I would be sorry to rob you of your living.
WAGNER. Sirrah, I say in staves-acre.
ROBIN. Oho, oho, staves-acre! That’s good to kill vermin. Then, belike, if I serve you I shall be lousy.
WAGNER. So thou shalt, whether thou be-ist with me or no. But, sirrah, leave your jesting, and bind yourself presently unto me for seven years, or I'll turn all the lice about thee into familiars, and they shall tear thee in pieces.
ROBIN. Nay sir, you may save yourself a labor, for they are familiar with me as if they had paid for their meat and drink, I can tell you.
WAGNER. Well sirrah, leave your jesting and take these guilders. [Gives money.]
ROBIN. Gridirons! What be they?
WAGNER. Why, French crowns.
ROBIN. Mass, but for the name of French crowns, a man were as good have as many English counters. And what should I do with these?
WAGNER. Why, now, sirrah, thou art at an hour's warning, whensoever or wheresoever the devil shall fetch thee.
ROBIN. No, no; here, take your gridirons again.
WAGNER. Truly, I'll none of them.
ROBIN. Truly, but you shall.
WAGNER. Bear witness I gave them him.
ROBIN. Bear witness I give them you again.
WAGNER. Not I, thou art pressed. Prepare thyself, for I will presently raise up two devils to carry thee away. Banio! Belcher!
ROBIN. Let your Baliol and your Belcher come here, and I'll knock them, they were never so knocked since they were devils: say I should kill one of them, what would folks say? "Do ye see yonder tall fellow in the round slop? He has killed the devil." So I should be called Kill-devil. All the parish over.
Enter two DEVILS; and ROBIN runs up and down crying.
WAGNER. Spirits, away!
[Exeunt DEVILS.]
ROBIN. What, are they gone? A vengeance on them! They have vile long nails. There was a he-devil and a she-devil: I'll tell you how you shall know them; all he-devils have horns, and all she-devils have clifts and cloven feet.
WAGNER. Well, sirrah, follow me.
ROBIN. I will miss. But, hark you master, will you teach me this conjuring occupation?
WAGNER. I will teach thee to turn thyself to anything, to a dog, or a cat, or a mouse, or a rat, or anything.
ROBIN. How! A Christian fellow to a dog, or a cat, a mouse, or a rat! No, no, sir; if you turn me into anything, let it be in the likeness of a little pretty frisking flea, that I may be here and there and everywhere: O, I'll tickle the pretty wenches' plackets! O brave Wagner!
WAGNER. Well, sirrah, come.
ROBIN. But, do you hear, Wagner?
WAGNER. How!--Baliol and Belcher!
ROBIN. O Lord! I pray, sir, let Banio and Belcher go sleep.
WAGNER. Villain, call me Master Wagner, and see that you walk attentively, and let your right eye be always diametrally fixed upon my left heel, that thou may’st quasi vestigiis nostris insistere.
ROBIN. Well miss, I warrant you. [Exit.]
WAGNER. Sirrah boy, come hither.
ROBIN. How boy?! O disgrace to my person! Zounds, boy in your face! You have seen many boys with such pointed beards I’m sure.
WAGNER. Tell me, sirrah, hast thou no comings in?
ROBIN. Yes, and goings out too; you may see miss.
WAGNER. Alas, poor slave! See how poverty jests in his nakedness! I know the villain’s, bare and out of service, and so hungry that I know he would give his soul to the devil for a shoulder of mutton, though it were blood-raw.
ROBIN. How!? My soul to the devil for a shoulder of mutton, though 'twere blood-raw! Not so, good friend. I had need to have it well roasted, and good sauce to it, if I pay so dear, I can tell you.
WAGNER. Well, wilt thou serve me, and I'll make thee go like Qui mihi discipulus?
ROBIN. What, in verse?
WAGNER. No, slave, in beaten silk and stavesacre.
ROBIN. How, how, knaves-acre! Ay, I thought that was all the land his father left him. Do you hear? I would be sorry to rob you of your living.
WAGNER. Sirrah, I say in staves-acre.
ROBIN. Oho, oho, staves-acre! That’s good to kill vermin. Then, belike, if I serve you I shall be lousy.
WAGNER. So thou shalt, whether thou be-ist with me or no. But, sirrah, leave your jesting, and bind yourself presently unto me for seven years, or I'll turn all the lice about thee into familiars, and they shall tear thee in pieces.
ROBIN. Nay sir, you may save yourself a labor, for they are familiar with me as if they had paid for their meat and drink, I can tell you.
WAGNER. Well sirrah, leave your jesting and take these guilders. [Gives money.]
ROBIN. Gridirons! What be they?
WAGNER. Why, French crowns.
ROBIN. Mass, but for the name of French crowns, a man were as good have as many English counters. And what should I do with these?
WAGNER. Why, now, sirrah, thou art at an hour's warning, whensoever or wheresoever the devil shall fetch thee.
ROBIN. No, no; here, take your gridirons again.
WAGNER. Truly, I'll none of them.
ROBIN. Truly, but you shall.
WAGNER. Bear witness I gave them him.
ROBIN. Bear witness I give them you again.
WAGNER. Not I, thou art pressed. Prepare thyself, for I will presently raise up two devils to carry thee away. Banio! Belcher!
ROBIN. Let your Baliol and your Belcher come here, and I'll knock them, they were never so knocked since they were devils: say I should kill one of them, what would folks say? "Do ye see yonder tall fellow in the round slop? He has killed the devil." So I should be called Kill-devil. All the parish over.
Enter two DEVILS; and ROBIN runs up and down crying.
WAGNER. Spirits, away!
[Exeunt DEVILS.]
ROBIN. What, are they gone? A vengeance on them! They have vile long nails. There was a he-devil and a she-devil: I'll tell you how you shall know them; all he-devils have horns, and all she-devils have clifts and cloven feet.
WAGNER. Well, sirrah, follow me.
ROBIN. I will miss. But, hark you master, will you teach me this conjuring occupation?
WAGNER. I will teach thee to turn thyself to anything, to a dog, or a cat, or a mouse, or a rat, or anything.
ROBIN. How! A Christian fellow to a dog, or a cat, a mouse, or a rat! No, no, sir; if you turn me into anything, let it be in the likeness of a little pretty frisking flea, that I may be here and there and everywhere: O, I'll tickle the pretty wenches' plackets! O brave Wagner!
WAGNER. Well, sirrah, come.
ROBIN. But, do you hear, Wagner?
WAGNER. How!--Baliol and Belcher!
ROBIN. O Lord! I pray, sir, let Banio and Belcher go sleep.
WAGNER. Villain, call me Master Wagner, and see that you walk attentively, and let your right eye be always diametrally fixed upon my left heel, that thou may’st quasi vestigiis nostris insistere.
ROBIN. Well miss, I warrant you. [Exit.]
